Four Ways a Narcissist Manipulates the Emotionally Intelligent


It has been 27 days since my last blog.  I realise to many in my readership this is a relief.  As I said in last monthly newsletter my focus in July was to apply to speak at a TEDx function.  I followed the formula.  It had 93 events in its TEDx list and I have applied to 49 of them and so far received 4 rejections.  If anyone has a potential TEDx connection and want to share it send me an email at

So the I thought this was an interesting article: 4 Ways a Narcissist Manipulates the Emotionally Intelligent written by Erin Leonard.  It is a good article and here are my comments.

According to Erin the four manipulations depend on these four characteristics of the emotionally intelligent:

  1. First, an emotionally intelligent person is usually warm-hearted and sees the good in people.
  2. Second, an emotionally intelligent person is self-aware, which means he or she routinely looks at herself or himself.
  3. Third, a cornerstone of emotional intelligence is empathy.
  4. Fourth, an emotionally intelligent person usually attaches securely and heartily.

Erin is correct.  The first thing to remember about narcissists is that they all listen to the same radio station, WIIFM, or What’s In It For Me.  If a narcissist meets the person outlined above I am afraid that many of them will think, “It’s my lucky day; I have just met a sucker.”

I happen to disagree with Erin’s above definition of emotional intelligence.  In the 7MTF model the above person is someone with a high level of the Doublechecker component.   They are certainly warm-hearted and high in trust.  Often as they age, they become more cynical.  They are certainly self-aware, sometimes to the detriment of their self-esteem.  On the three levels of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate, Doublecheckers are more likely to be the most compassionate.  Finally, of all the 7MTF components Doublecheckers, are the most loyal.  They don’t divorce and they don’t job-hop.

This is in complete contrast to narcissists who generally have a strong GoGetter component.  They often have multiple wives and multiple affairs.  They also change jobs frequently and have no problems with self-esteem.   GoGetters are the masters of cognitive empathy; they spend a lot time analysing someone searching for weaknesses.  If they do find a weakness, and because they lack compassion, they can be quite ruthless in exploiting it.

I believe a model of temperament like the 7MTF is the secret to lifting your emotional intelligence.  If you want to quickly lift your EQ consider doing my practical emotional intelligence courses.  Do the basic 7MTF course for an investment of A$25 and 5 hours of your time and you will dramatically increase your EQ competency in days.

This blog was first posted on LinkedIn on 27 July 2022.



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