In my last blog I reviewed the February Podcast contained in the monthly E-letter EI Update. In this blog I am going to review the March Podcast Why Emotions Matter and How to Manage Them, The podcast is a webinar for nurses produced by Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and the speakers were Mark Brackett and Robin Stern.
This would be fourth time I have heard Mark speak and I did a blog after the third: Reflections on Marc Brackett: “Emotional Intelligence as a Superpower” Much of the content revolved around the Mood Meter and RULER and my criticisms of these two tools has not weakened after listening to this podcast. Nevertheless, there was some new material introduced which I will outline here.
The first was a great quote by Haruki Murakami: “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in.”
Sums up the COVID experience for most of us.
The next offering was labelling of emotions in the Mood Meter. It used to be 2×2 matrix with different colours for the four quadrants where you positioned yourself on two axes: Energy (Hi-Lo) and Feeling (+ve or -ve) scoring -5 to +5. Now there 100 boxes each with a different label for a different emotion. In the southwest corner you are alone; in the northeast corner you are ecstatic. Again, Brackett and Stern put great emphasis in learning to label emotions as part of the RULER acronym: Recognise, Understand, Label, Express, Regulate. And as yet I believe this approach is wasted effort. Learning a valid tool for temperament such as the 7MTF is just so much easier and efficient.
The next part of the webinar discussed various surveys done during COVID. Anxiety had replaced Stress as the predominant feeling of people. Stress is the body’s reaction to a threat, whereas anxiety is the body’s reaction to the stress. The majority of people no longer want to be happy; they want to be appreciated. And it does seem the Emotional Intelligence is entering the zeitgeist. People now prefer to be described as empathic rather than compassionate.
The next addition was a new division between Emotional Scientists and Emotional Judges.
- Research, ask questions, and are curious (in a non-judgmental way) about their own emotional states and the emotions of those around them. (Learner mode)
- Ask from a place of empathy and compassion.
- Are active listeners and practice emotional regulation.
- Have a “growth” mindset.
Emotional judges, on the other hand:
- Assume, criticize, and judge their own emotional states and the emotions of those around them. (Knower mode)
- Often believe there’s a “correct” and “incorrect” way in which people “should” feel.
- Don’t practice self-curiosity or self-awareness about their own mental health.
- Have a “fixed” mindset.
To his credit Marc Brackett did come up with this great quote: “We are an emotional scientist with the people we meet and an emotional judge with the people we live with.”
I still believe a model of temperament like the 7MTF is the secret to lifting your emotional intelligence. If you want to quickly lift your EQ consider doing my practical emotional intelligence courses. Do the basic 7MTF course for an investment of A$25 and 5 hours of your time and you will dramatically increase your EQ competency in days.
Blog first posted on LinkedIn 18 April 2022
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